Wake up
by Queenkiwi
Summary: After all of the schemes, betrayals and wishes for better endings, this was something none of them could have ever foreseen. In a world where Solas wasn't the only betrayer and helplessly saw one of his own agents take his foci to unleash the fade like fire upon Thedas, he could only hope for one thing. "Wake up."


**Wake up**

* * *

 **Summary:** After all of the schemes, betrayals and wishes for better endings, this was something none of them could have ever foreseen.

In a world where Solas wasn't the only betrayer and helplessly saw one of his own agents take his foci to unleash the fade like fire upon Thedas, he could only hope for one thing.

"Wake up."

 _Note:_ The one where Solas allowed himself to love. He never meant for this.

* * *

Note: Ellana never found out who Solas truly was in this AU. He was still thinking about telling her everything. Some things truly are meant for another world.

* * *

They were standing in the heart of a dying Titan, in front of the woman holding the orb they were after- his foci, the one all of his plans depended on. She was talking to them without looking at them. She only had eyes for the power now in her hands. Its blindingly white glow highlighting the maniacal expression on her face, the wide smile and dark eyes that gleamed.

"This is the truth!" She yelled down at them where they stood. "It was always meant to be like this!"

"Let it go _now_!" Solas yelled back at her. She had been one of his trusted, one of those who woke up at the same time as him. "You don't understand what you are unleashing! It will burn you alive!"

But it had taken its root in her already. Even if she had wanted to stop it now, it was already starting. The cracks, forming as she forced it open, were getting wider and wider.

"Then I will burn! This will be their liberation! My children will not walk this empty world of nothing! I will free them! Free us all!"

"Stop! You're not freeing anyone! Step back before it's too late!" Ellana shouted.

"This power is not meant for me," his former agent said, "but it is wasted on you."

"Nadina!" Solas barked, growing desperate, trying to get past the forcefield she had created. But Nadina laughed even as she started to cry from the pain. The cracks were spreading from his foci towards her body, filling them with the green glow of his magic.

"You are foolish if you think you can use it!" He panted, feeling sweat slide down his brow. "You don't understand even a fraction of what you are holding!"

"I never thought I would say this, but I agree with him!" Chimed in Dorian who was looking ashen under his moustache. "This whole place is breaking apart!"

And it was. The stones were falling from over their heads, the stone rumbling with anger from the awakening power inside it. They nearly lost their footing on the stone that came alive under them, the trembling earth jostling them violently, forcing them to brace themselves with wider stances and arms raised over their heads to protect them from the debris.

Ellana gritted her teeth when she managed to find her balance and tried to help Solas who was still trying to break the barrier standing in their way. Her panic showed as she tried to attack it with her daggers, screaming at Bull to help them.

Dorian laughed like a loon when he moved forward to stand next to Solas who was still casting. "I always thought I would go out with a bang!" Their staffs swinging gracefully as they cast again, again and again, growing more and more frantic.

"Save that great bang for later!" Came the harried answer from Bull who charged with only a moment of hesitation.

"She cannot hold it! We must contain it!" Solas shouted over the loud ringing in the air, a zooming sound that got louder and louder.

He had lied. It was impossible to contain it or stop it from happening. He needed to get close enough to feed from it now that it was cracked, that was their only chance of making it out of this alive. After the orb's protection had been abused by Corypheus and now Nadina, he could finally harvest it and reclaim what he had hidden away so long ago. He just needed to get past the barrier and quickly!

"Solas!" Ellana screamed his name horsley when the green light that had steadily filled the chamber swallowed them. She cried out and fell to her knees as her hand started to fizzle and crack violently. He turned his head, still casting a spell, only to see her on her knees staring up at him with an anguished expression.

It would destroy her, them, and the world if Nadina wasn't stopped. Something inside of his chest froze when he met her eyes. Time stopped for only a second. Then he could hear Bull again.

"Boss!"

And just like that, time resumed and Solas woke from his stupor. Tearing his eyes away from his heart he gritted his teeth. "Nadina!" He nearly growled while giving it his all, steadily walking forward, pushing the barrier that refused to break.

"Ellana, get up! There will be time for that later!" Dorian ran over shakily to pull her up again. By now the sound that was filling the air was indistinguishable from the rumble.

The green pulse of his power had bleed out and completely engulfed Nadina by now.

If she screamed, cried or even if she were still alive were anyone's guess. Yet the barrier held fast with the last remnant of her will, boosted by the stolen magic swallowing her whole.

Solas needed it. He had planned, infiltrated and tried to get into the inner circle for far too long. He was too close, just to have it end this way.

"NO!" Ellana was shaking off Dorian's hands steadying her, standing by her own strength. "This will stop now, one way or another. Dorian! Help Solas push it back! It's working! Bull!"

"On it!" Bull roared with a mighty cry, smashing and deflecting the debris falling down, keeping it away from the mages.

Ellana stood proud and demanding before them like a general. Gritted teeth and hard eyes staring down the the unnatural light in the middle of the chamber. His heart, the last one who could ever deserve any of this happening to her, his love. He knew they were not going to make it when the light rose and formed a solid looking pillar, with Nadina as it's source, it rose upwards towards the sky hidden by the miles and miles of rock. Her last will had carried through.

Nadina's children would never have to walk through this world.

The world went white.

He woke up.

Though woke up would be lying, since he didn't really sleep anymore. It was more like a stasis, a moment or even hours where he simply wasn't anymore. Then he was and for some confusing moments he was alive and coherent again. Then it would start to crumple as quickly as it had built up. The confidence of being, and the feeling of understanding would vanish into nothing and he would wander.

The sky was gray.

That was the first thing he noticed when he left the ruin built into the cave wall. The sky was gray, the air wet and cold, the grass a forlorn yellow- and the dead were wandering the ruins up ahead.

A stray thought occurred to him. A feeling of breaking routine, of something being wrong. But the feeling, or thought, he couldn't remember what it had started as… Faded like smoke in the wind.

She was suppose to be there, wasn't she? No, that's not right!

He had tried to stay away after all, it would be cruel in the end to lead her on. So he had told her no. " _We shouldn't_." That is what he had told her.

But no, she was _suppose_ to be there with him when he woke up.

Because that's where she always was when he came to. She would lay on her side, watching him until he blinked. Then she would get up with him to wander outside where he was… He was supposed to go somewhere, and she would always follow. Yes, that's right.

Once, before this, when they were both still themselves; he was both impressed with her dedication to her selfmade quest and annoyed with himself for encouraging her. Now though, he simply was.

A small part of himself that was still there, was horrified at himself. The other part, the one growing inside of him, didn't care. And that was the part he was starting to give in to. He was so tired of fighting.

Solas crossed over the hill, still holding onto his staff. It was sturdy in his hand, although the baubles and the small ribbon Ellana had tied onto its end was starting to fall apart.

It was a habit his body didn't let go of, even though he himself never used it or remembered why it was there. So every time he became somewhat aware, he would grab it. It was one of the few things that could still offer him some false comfort, some sense of still being able.

Shuffling slowly across the yellow grass that had shriveled and dried up until it was nothing more than sharp yet fragile blades under his feet, he made his way further down. Still with that strange urge to find her. One that found him every time she was gone, one he never fought.

There, down below where he was now standing, he could see her between two others. They might have been familiar to him once. Now they were just two of many. The only one he could hone in his blurry sight on was her- Ellana.

But she was touching one of them, just a light touch on the arm. It was enough for him to acknowledge them as, "those he knew before", since he still understood that there had been a before. Only, the details sometimes escaped him. But she still knew them, even now, after everything, she was still holding them together.

Something inside him snapped to attention when looking at their slack faces. They didn't react to him right when their eyes focused on him. There was nothing there, not even a spark.

Regardless, he straightened his back and raised his chin when he approached them as if he were waiting for them to do whatever it was he once expected them to do. For the vague memory of being weary around them was still there, although he did not know why.

It didn't strike him as odd that Ellana was with them instead of him, even though he expected her to be there when he woke up. It felt right for her to be there with them. For a moment he remembered himself and where he was. Just enough to see them as they used to be.

Bright and colourful, they would tease her and she would laugh to hide the worry lines that were forming around her eyes and mouth. How they would sometimes turn to him and _look_ at him as if they were wondering something. But he was good at what he did and smiled.

And they always backed away when she was there.

They did, didn't they? No wait, that was wrong. They were-

He caught himself in the present again. A dizzying moment, he had some of them every now and then, didn't he? He used to write them down but he couldn't remember where he put his things. Or how or where to place his fingers anymore.

His face was wrong. It pulled at the right side but nothing on the left. He had some vague recollection of something upsetting happening to it.

It was smiling at them even though they didn't look at him anymore. At least, he was pretty sure his face was smiling.

Ellana turned with a shiny dagger in hand. She used to have two, but something had happened to her other arm and she had lost her other dagger with it. There was a memory still clinging to him of her screaming as he held her close to his chest. " _I am sorry my heart_."

Her pale hair was matted and still in a ponytail. Even though it was dirty it seemed to glow on her head. The rest of her had gotten an off colour now.

Her eyes were alert today. It was good, he had been worried for her. She had dulled the last week or so. They had made marks on the walls to keep track of the good days. She had always been so dedicated once she had decided on something. It had been painful to see her eyes lose themselves and that spark he so admired.

She started walking towards him, wiping the dagger on her trouser and striding over. The others stayed where they were. It was wrong. They were supposed to follow her. Why didn't they follow her? He was right there, they should try to keep them apart, keep him away from her!

Because he could almost remember that they knew after Nadina had… After it happened. They knew when he lunged at it that the power was his, or that… That? Sluggish, something was _wrong,_ he knew it at the back of his head. Why couldn't he hold on to his thoughts?

That's right. It didn't matter anymore.

Turning around again, he surprised himself with how graceful his body could still be as Ellana fell into step with him to wander back.

To home, or more like, to their end. There really wasn't anything homey about it anymore.

He and Ellana had tried in the beginning, to make it into something other than depressing. They had gathered scraps of colourful cloth and small trinkets they had found that reflected light. When placed just right, they would have a lightshow on the stone wall during sunset.

She had loved it. When she smiled that night it was the first time since it happened. He couldn't help himself when he joined in.

Somehow he knew that there had been more than just him and Ellana who stayed there. But for the life of him he couldn't recall who they had been or why they weren't there anymore.

A nagging insistence told him he didn't want to remember.

Ellana stumbled beside him. Her balance was off but he was ready. Without any conscious thought on his end, his body simply leaned towards hers, silently offering support. She took it, her one arm in the crook of his.

Solas still had purpose, he still had a cause. That was something that nothing, not even his own memory could steal from him. As long as they could find each other, as long as their bodies still knew them, they would be fine.

They might not have a fortress to call home anymore, but they still had this. Though it was tainted by the world around them.

He could still remember a time, what felt like yesterday, a lifetime ago- when they had killed something and eaten it in there- in their new home filled with light from broken glass and trinkets.

They had been unsure but tried until it proved pointless. They bodies grew sicker, veins turning darker each day until one day they realized that their bellies expanded because the food they were eating wasn't being digested.

He'd been confused. That was how it had started for him. Ellana had been grieving while he had stood watching his own shadow on the wall, not wanting to understand. Not truly. Even if the realization had been quick and grim in the end. Then, after that, the change crept up on him.

Moments of confusion and disorientation, of doing something then forgetting why. Waking up in the middle of nowhere with no recollection of how he had gotten there or how to get back.

Ellana had always been two steps behind him thankfully. As soon as he was himself again, she would lead him back home. He told her to leave him, let him wander off during one of his darker nights. Ellana had given him a tired smile. " _Never."_ Though her face hadn't betrayed her, her body had. She had clutched at his sleeve, trying not to cling but failing. And he realized that he wasn't the only one who needed someone. She had needed him too.

After that, he never suggested it again.

One morning Solas sat up and looked over at her and her swollen belly. For one heartstopping moment, he had been so overcome with _joy_ at seeing her there. She had been sitting on the dirty stone floor trying to comb out her hair with her gray fingers by the opening of the ruins.

Even though sick and wounded she had been so beautiful. And he remembered being ashamed of daydreaming of a world where he could have her fully, let his hands rest upon her belly, feeling a kick, feeling their-

Their home stunk worse than death.

Or so he imagined. They were both beyond caring now though. It was always dark there now that the sun had been blocked by the thick smog that escaped from the fade. Filled with nothing, as there was nothing from the waking left for them to draw from.

Because of an unsaid routine between them, they both sunk down on a thin fur on the floor. Him on his back and her on her side facing him. Solas felt her settle her weight on his shoulder and stole a moment where he placed his cheek on the side of her head. Feeling her dirty hair against his face, her comforting company, he was at peace. She had promised never to leave him and he believed her, because she was still mostly there every time he opened his eyes. When not, he could always find her nearby.

"You won't be alone, Solas. Rest." She whispered horsely against his chest.

Ellana didn't mention how long he had been resting before, or how little time he had spent awake. Didn't drag her worries into the light or even dare to think of them. She just hid her stump against her chest, placing the other over his own hand on his chest and allowed herself to be. Solas closed his eyes.

He never got up after that. Ellana did.

The happiness of seeing her up and about still came with a short jolt that came without warning. He was almost smug because she was still moving. But then, he went before her.

His body was far too deteriorated by now.

Ellana still had time.

She still went out of their home and was gone for hours at a time but she always came back to him.

In his better moments, he liked to pretend that she was out there with _them_. Still being playfully teased by them and being overly full of determination and recklessness.

Not even mountains could resist bowing down under her will. She would have change the world for the better and he could do nothing else but be swept away by her during the storm of her focus. Even though she used to tease him about his age, jokingly calling him hahren when he got too involved in trying to educate her in the value of caution and foreplanning.

The wolves had been in the mountains bending down to appease her and she didn't even know. Just as he had bent down on his knees before her in his rooms, reverently working her open with his tongue, fingers and nipping teeth at her tights until she was ready to let him in with a soft sigh.

She had laughed at him when he told her to be careful in whom she shared herself with, whom she confided in. She had tweaked his ear and called him a pessimist. When he told her the world made him such she had looked sad and kissed him again.

He was the wolf, looking at her and hers with gleaming eyes from the shadow until she drew him out. He was the- He _had_ been the enemy in her bed.

She never knew.

He woke up.

Again he blinked at a ceiling that should have been familiar by now, but was still a surprise to him each time. Ellana was leaning against the wall just a few meters away from him. Her eyes were vacant again. Her head tilted as if she was looking at the ceiling, but he knew better.

She wasn't there right now.

Solas tried to sit up. Dragged his upper body while looking at her, but it wasn't working as he wanted it to.

Oh, of course. His left leg was gone.

She must have scraped off what was left of it some time ago after he had started to loose chunks of it. He didn't know how he was still moving. He would have worried about that had he still been himself- as he was before this. When there had still been hope.

When she would have seen the odds before her, seen the impossibility of it and charged at it until she fixed it. He would be trailing behind her trying to keep the worst off of her. But that was then, this was now.

Solas tentatively prodded at what was left of his leg.

He still had fingers. But they were strange. Better not think of it.

Touching his face, he tried to see how much he had- Ah, there it was. It was gone now. Like his leg. He wondered if she had scraped it off, too.

He woke up.

It was light out. How strange. The soft colours were back on their wall. Ellana came in and saw him. He had a feeling she was smiling when she came closer to him, but he couldn't be sure. Her grin was permanent now.

 _No_.

It was too fast! How _long_ had he been _gone_?

He woke up. He couldn't move. There was a weight at his side. Solas hoped it was her.

He woke up. The world was dark. He tried to take a breath although he didn't know why.

He woke up. He never told her he loved her.

Ellana woke up.

Solas didn't.

* * *

Gonna sound corny as heck here, but this was based on a dream.

The whole thing was very fast. The dream was as if written and read. As if I could hear myself reading it. Sometimes I just saw the text. Other times I could see them and their world. She was still trying to fix it, I think. I don't know what happened to her after he stopped moving.

A story of the end of the world with a dead mage and a rouge. I can't do it justice. But I want to remember it, even if it was a bit hurried.


End file.
